So I guess this is going to be my first personal post, which involves more of a certain level of vulnerability than normal. Which is funny because vulnerability is a big topic for this post.
Last night, I was blessed with a truly unique and rare experience...at least for me. I had a talk...a real talk with a good guy friend. Now, before I continue, I need to explain why this was special for me. Growing up, I was never the typical kid. I was always more mature for my age, and while I loved playing outside with my brother and my friends, I was always more content behind a good book. I loved to learn growing up, and I still do. Given all that, it was always difficult for me to make friends, especially guy friends. Girls were always just easier to talk to, and to be honest, the flirting was always fun (shameless, I know, but I have matured since then...I promise). Now don't get me wrong, I had my best guy friend in elementary and middle school, but there were few guys in high school I could call a best friend. I was always jealous of those guys that had their own guys, that friend they could talk about anything with. Any guy knows that guys need their guys, plain and simple. In college, I was close, but time and circumstances prevented it, unfortunately. So given all of this, I really don't remember the last time I had a real talk with a good guy friend.
So here is where the vulnerability comes in. It was not easy to admit any of that. Pride and twisted societal idea of manliness makes it difficult to admit things like this. But for any true Catholic guy, you need a similar individual to talk things through with, because girls (and ladies, please don't take any offense) just don't get guys. So again, that's why this particular conversation was very special to me.
Last night, at a popular coffee shop chain, me and my friend...let's call him Travis ...had a real conversation between two simple Catholic guys, trying to make sense of our lives in the light of faith. We talked about alot of things from who we were to who we are now. Travis and I have become friends only recently. The funny thing is, we've been around each other for quite some time, having gone to the same middle school and the same church. But who we were growing up could not have been more different from each other. Travis was a guy's guy...sports, hanging out, and he still is. I, on the other hand, was all about school and extra-curriculars, and I still am. For all intents and purposes, we were polar opposites, and playing to societal expectations, its easy to see why we never crossed paths. But even if we did, there was certainly no guarantee that we would have become friends. So why now? The difference between then and now, for both of us, is that we have each grown immensely in our shared faith. Our lives and circumstances may have been different, but they all led us both to the same place, it all led us to have that real conversation at the coffeehouse.
Now, to be honest, I didn't really know what to expect going into it. As I said before, I couldn't remember the last time I even had a conversation like that, so I thought I was just going to make a fool of myself. And given that we both had class in the morning, I didn't think it would last very long. I remember my mom calling me, telling me that she would probably be asleep by the time I got back. Since my mom normally sleeps at midnight, I told her that I would probably be back before she went to sleep. I definitely did not. Travis and I talked for four hours, past closing time, going from the patio to the lounge to the parking lot. Now I won't go into detail about everything we talked about, but a main theme was our faith and our vulnerabilities.
Travis told me alot that night, "I wear my heart on my sleeve." It was something he and I had in common. I have never had an easy time trying to hide my feelings, and while I could certainly be passive-aggressive, people always knew that I was being passive-aggressive. We talked about relationships, our past ones and our current ones (or lack thereof). We talked about how we grew in our faith, the different events in our lives that have led us to the same conclusion: a life without faith is nothing. But we both knew a life of faith was not an easy one. Our Catholic faith would hold us accountable on all our actions, and everything we say or do must be for the glory of God. But that's not easy. In fact, its probably one of the most difficult paths to choose, especially in this day and age. But aside from not being easy, a life of faith, where everything revolves around grace and providence, involves so much vulnerability on our parts. We place all our trust in God and in His Son. In exchange for our faith and our trust, its easy to expect a level of divine consideration. Sure, throw in a couple of curve balls every once in awhile (like the sports analogy?), but for the most part, life should be simple and uncomplicated, should being the operative word. So when something major happens, something that is life-altering or devastating, faith and trust are the first things to go out the window. I speak from experience. Is it too much to ask for a little leniency for living my good life of faith? Faith inherently leaves one vulnerable and open to hurt. Take that idea and extend it to include the relationships we make, or more precisely, the ones God decides to give us, and our vulnerability is increased. Living that faithful life means that we believe all our relationships, filial, romantic, platonic, etc., to be more than just coincidence. So when someone hurts us, its easy to place the blame on God. Suffice it to say, being men of faith means being vulnerable men, and for two guys who wear their hearts on their sleeves....that concept is terrifyingly debilitating.
But here's the flip side: living a life of faith means opening yourself up to happiness that you could not even imagine. In this culture, its plain to see how the idea of quid pro quo developed. I live a decent life, a faith life, and God blesses me with good things. But that's not what faith means, its not what truly living a life of faith means. Yes, faith means placing all your trust in Him, but it also means that everything that happens, both the good and the bad, happens for a reason. I know, I know...that's so cliche. But it does not make it any less true or applicable. Faith means that all things, all experiences are meant for us to grow in Him, both the good and the bad. And if it just so happens that God decides you need a little more bad to do alot more growing, faith also means trusting Him to not give you anything that you can't handle. Travis mentioned that his life was like the story "Footprints in the Sand". That story is the epitome of living a life of true faith. So, as one who has recently had alot of growing to do, most of it as a result of the "bad", I can say, faithfully and undoubtedly, that faith...is worth it.
Through the course of our conversation, Travis kept thanking me. At one paint, and I paraphrase, he said "Man, I'm just blessed that God put you [all] in my life". He kept telling me that I was teaching him alot. But something I don't really think I got to say back was "You're helping me more than I'm helping you". You see, Travis (who I hope reads this) has such a vibrant faith, a "childlike confidence" in God. He talked about waking up everyday and thanking God for the sunrise and the chance to live and experience that day. He has something that many of us, especially those involved in lots of ministry, tend to lose along the way: the simple and amazing awe and wonder in God. Again, speaking from experience, getting so focused on ministry, its easy to lose sight of the simple things and the most beautiful things. That doesn't mean that I take my faith for granted by any means, or that I've lost sight of why I do ministry or live a life of service. But Travis has this vibrancy about him, that pure and simple childlike trust and wonder in everything that God does and in all the little blessings He sends our way. It's something more of us have lost and so desperately need, something that I need to find again. And Travis has helped me realize that. There were many times during our talk, that we may have both gotten emotional, again, wearing our hearts on our sleeves, being vulnerable. I didn't get to tell Travis this, but his friendship is exactly the kind of thing we talked about all night, the reward of my vulnerability and my faith.
For all intents and purpose,culture and society say that Travis and I would have never been friends. But luckily for us, as Catholic Christians, our Catholic faith is so very counter-cultural. We've all made lots of friends in lives. Oftentimes, friendships are fleeting. The friends I made in elementary didn't last past the 5th grade, or past middle school, or high school. In high school, friends that I went college with, friendships that I thought were inseparable at the time, have drifted as a result of...life. And even now, these strong friendships that I made in college, friendships even built around faith, may not last, some I've already lost as a result of my own gigantic failings. But everyone once in awhile, God blesses us with a true, lasting friendship. No matter what kind of relationships we develop, whether they last or not, each and every person we encounter is put into our lives for a very specific reason, even the ones that hurt us, even the ones we lose. But you have to be willing to be vulnerable, willing to have faith. Otherwise, everything becomes meaningless, without purpose. As for me and Travis, no...I don't know if we'll be friends for a long time. But after our real conversation and the blessing he has already become in my life, I pray that our friendship will only grow. Sometimes a guy just needs another guy, a good friend, a real friend. God has blessed me with many of those, and he has blessed me again, immensely, in my friendship with Travis. Since faith is a gift, God has also blessed me with faith...and with vulnerability. My great prayer for all of you is that God will bless you as he has blessed me.
(Travis I'm praying for you bud. Thanks. Oh...and you should definitely be texting her LOL)
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